“It is said that only a fool learns from his own mistakes, a wise man from the mistakes of others .” – Otto von Bismarck
“Mr. Hughes … why are you so upset? You look annoyed” – Anonymous
During my time as a teacher, I find myself repeating the same answers to the same questions over and over again. Instead of learning a routine or answer from someone who has already asked this question, people feel the need to ask the question again.
In order to help with this situation, I have posted some common questions that get asked on a regular basis. Please read through them and not that most answers will be delivered with a sarcastic answer.
BEING LATE
Q – Why did you mark me as late? I was only 1 minute late.
A – You should really emphasize that word … LATE
Q – … but I was talking to my other teacher.
A – They should have talked faster or you should have asked earlier
Q – … but I have a note.
A – Awesome! Just waiting for the time travel capabilities of your note to kick in.
Q – Am I late if my parent(s) forgot to wake me up?
A – Exactly how long did it take to learn to tie your shoes or dress yourself?
Q – Am I late if I dropped my stuff off and then went to the bathroom?
A – Depends. Is it possible to watch a movie if you’re in the lobby but your coat is on the theater seat?
ASSIGNMENTS/MARKING
Q – When is this assignment due?
A – On the due date
Q – When’s the due date?
A – On the day that it is due
Q – What do I do when I’m finished?
A – If you were finished I could answer that. Improvement is like Jell-O. There’s always room for more.
Q – How much is this worth?
A – Can’t put a value on good education.
Q – Where can I get the assignment?
A – If only the school board would purchase a computer that could act as a server. It would be great to have an online classroom where I could put assignments. I’ll get back to you on that one.
Q – Where do I hand in the assignment?
A – If only the school board would purchase a computer that could act as a server. It would be great to have an online classroom where you could put assignments. I’ll get back to you on that one once I find the answer to the previous question.
Q – Does this look good?
A – If you’re talking about your assignment my consultation fee is $50 per comment. If you choose to hand it in first that fee is waved. If you’re talking about something else … I have no comment.
CLASSROOM
Q – What are we doing today?
A – Same thing we do every day Pinky … try to take over the world! See Pinky and the Brain.
Q – Can I go to the washroom?
A – That’s a personal question that perhaps your doctor should be asked.
Q – Can I wear headphones and listen to music while I work?
A – Depends … can you drive a car while blindfolded? Somethings just don’t go together.
Q – I was never taught how to “insert skill here” before. How can you expect me to know it?
A – Nobody taught me how to breath. I was able to figure it out on my own. You seemed to have mastered the skill as well. Let’s see if you can continue that winning streak.
Q – I wasn’t here the day you taught that. How can you expect me to know it?
A – Simple! Through the power of osmosis you could learn the skills from one of your classmates. Either that or ask them what you missed when you get back.
Q – My computer just crashed. What do I do?
A – Turn it back on and continue your assignment.
Q – But I forgot to save my assignment.
A – Get busy on building that time machine then.
Q – My computer says it has performed an illegal operation and will shut down. What do I do?
A – Click OK.
Q – But I’ll lose all my work!
A – See previous answer.
Q – I followed the steps and it didn’t work. What do I do now?
A – Find out which step it was that took you off of the right path.
PERSONAL
Q – How old are you?
A – Oil of Olay twice a day will keep that answer a mystery.
Q – Why did you become a teacher?
A – When I was younger I wanted to be a super hero. I don’t look good in tights so teaching was the next logical step.
Q – How do you know so much about technology?
A – Experience! It comes with age and practice. I’m still not admitting my age.
MISCELLANEOUS
Q – Why?
A – Because.
Q – ‘Because’ isn’t an answer.
A – Why?
Q – Why?
A – Because I said so.
Q – That’s what my parents say.
A – You have very smart parents.